I ran out of coffee on Monday and if you follow my IG stories, you know that’s a big deal.

So the last two days I went to my favorite coffee shop drive-thru to get my caffeine fix. Driving back I passed by a business and noticed a woman getting out of her car to walk inside, obviously dressed for work. As I look down at my tights and socks with sandals, I realize that if it hadn’t been for coffee runs, I would not have had a reason to get out of the house in the last 3 days. As much as I love the convenience of working from home and the flexibility of making my own schedule, I would not consider myself a home-body.

And I caught myself, just for a second, almost longing for my old 9-5 days as an underwriter. The structured daily schedule, having somewhere to get me out of the house, the predictability, having co-workers to chat with. For a second I looked at that professional walking in and I actually thought I wanted to pursue that again.

Being an artist is a lonely calling.

And then I remembered why I quit the 9-5 in the first place.

That feeling when I’m in the throes of painting, it takes me to a different place and it’s completely indescribable, but it feels like I’m doing what I’m meant to do.

Most days I don’t really talk to adults much in daytime hours, but when I do get to meet and connect with people over art, it’s a deeper conversation. I hear stories, we talk about meaning, we go beyond the surface, which is the type of conversation I appreciate most.

Artistry is sometimes a holistic view and the day to day can seem as though it’s without a purpose (at least for someone who likes to finish a task & feel accomplished ) But paintings rarely get completed in a day, and the holistic view is the determination, the growth and the connection in the day to day process, making something greater than the individual parts.

It’s feeling like what I’m doing is actually for a greater purpose, even when I’m not sure what that purpose is. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of that purpose in my kids and I realize, this is not really about me. Sometimes I catch the purpose in talking with a client about how they connected to my work, and again I realize, this is not about me. And I’m so grateful to be a part of it. I never got that feeling from the 9-5.

This is not for everyone, but I will gladly trade in the predictability and claim it.

I Thought About Going Back.......Just For A Second